A listener (who asked to remain anonymous) sent this to me and I tried not to post it, but I just couldn’t resist … one might say “it was irresistible.”  Enjoy the satire!

The Plague of “One-String Banjos” 

Thanks to the objective and reasoned discernment of Dr. James White, a popular Christian apologist, the serious epidemic of dangerous banjos with only one string have been brought to the attention of at least a dozen or so people. Of course, we are not talking about actual banjos here. We are talking about “theological bloggers” who have the audacity to create web sites or social media pages that have a limited focus.  Rather than including all sorts of random and tediously mundane information about the bloggers everyday life, some rogue theologians have the gaul to create pages that cover one particular subject of interest.  It is quite appalling that the World Wide Web even allows this type of catastrophic particularity and focus!

Dr. White is working tirelessly to stem the tide of the “one-string banjos” by commenting on everything from bike rides to bow ties throughout his day. One faithful White fan expressed his appreciation to the great apologist, saying, “Dr. White thank you for not just having one, two or even three strings, but thousands of them for us to read about throughout our otherwise boring lives. You give us a reason to keep coming back.”

One particularly notable offender that White has regularly ridiculed for his “one-stringed” ways is Dr. Leighton Flowers of Soteriology101.com. This theologian turned blogger has a wife and four kids, he regularly preaches at a large church, serves as an Adjunct Professor, and the Director of Apologetics and Youth Evangelism for Texas Baptists where he oversees literally dozens of evangelistic and apologetic events throughout the year, yet he has the unmitigated gaul not to tell us about all of this on his Soteriology blog or social media pages!

Oh, it gets worse! Our investigative reporter learned just last week that Dr. Flowers rode his bike for over an hour and did not even tweet about it!  (Well, he might have, but we only read his Soteriology 101 twitter feed, so we assume he DID NOT!) When will this madness stop?!

Flowers Soteriology blog was created to address the major soteriological controversy between Calvinists and Traditionalists in the Southern Baptist Convention, as that was the topic of his doctoral dissertation, but followers have come to expect a certain level of disclosure from theological bloggers. Just what is Dr. Flowers trying to hide?!

Other obvious “one-string” offenders are the creators of monergism.com, calvinistcorner.com, effectualgrace.com, reformationtheology.com, reformedbaptistblog.com, and many others.  We reached out to Dr. White to get his comments on these “one-string banjos” but we still have not received a response.  We are sure, however, that they will each receive a thorough tongue thrashing from the great apologist; after all, we know that Dr. White is nothing if not objective and impartial in his criticism of others.